This time, I am all the way weak

I know how to fight. I know how to fight in that way where I’m expected to swallow every worry and every want with its disappointments in unfulfilled desires and smile, pressing into the next task. I know how to stand against giants: men, demons, and opposition. But God did not command me to do any of that fight, strife, or challenging. How do I take all my instincts to brace myself for war, yet stop battling the wind? Every turn around in scripture has a desire spoken from God through his prophets: trust me because I am the strong one and I am the knowledgeable one and I am the able one and I am the Dad in this relationship and I am the powerful one and I am the good one and I made you and you need me to take care of you and I am made you on purpose and I did not make mistakes by desiring you to exist and I would have you dependent on me, eternally; I am able, I promise and vow and tell you the truth, to make your life amazing and easy and full of joy and love and respect. There will be hard things, but I will be with you in them, and you will find out what it feels like to be defended. I am good. Just because you don’t know how to be good, can’t change me. I remain good in each action that I do, watch me do. You are not the one on the measuring block vying for worthiness: I am. So, set your god to contended for worth against me and see me show out to get your affections. Let me have your attention that I might fight for you, and you might choose me to replace what was your god. Go for the Big G! That’s me! If you respect me, little more will your hearts flutter with worry regarding death, disease, and despair because you’ll know that the most powerful being in all there is loves you with the worth of all the created universe and is devoted to nourishing each need until he gets to start turning his affections to pouring out into what he knows are wants, the deep wants and the little daily affectionate assistances. Take the umbrella with you. Let me hold it over you and protect you from the rain. I am your shield. So long as you’re deciding if you like evil ways, I will let you go wondering, but the second you cry out to me, I am already there. You are never trapped. I am God and I decide what judgements take place. It is I, creator God who has determined mankind will have choice. And no demon and no mistake and no curious adventure down an evil road has ever turned my heart to stone against anyone. My love is a burning fire that destroys evil. The second you don’t want evil around you and tempting you, cry out to me and I will burn it away from your life. I will be the fire of holiness igniting your soul, with unquenchable fire. I will never let you go. When you are evil, I love you. How much more excited do you think I get to be the moment you say that you’d like to know about the affections already overflowing in my heart towards you? It’s not that my passionate affection dimed while you were away. Please let my heart break in your sight over this thought, let me condemn this lie against me, I hate this lie because it’s not true; my heart cannot change, I never forgot how much joy is in my heart over you the moment you became a thought in me and I worked at knitting you delicately in your mother’s womb, I chose to make you alive, I gave you life, freely and at risk of your future rejection of me. If love hurts you, you can tell me to go away. If joy hurts you, you can command me to flee, and I will respect your wishes. If you think safety is horrible deprivation of a possible adventure, you can command me not to help you and I will not help, until you change your mind. But I am listening, second-by-second for your request. I am in earnest to give you the things that I like: food, love, laughter, shelter, safety, health, sight, wisdom, honor, clarity, rest, joy, confidence, strength, did I mention joy? I want you to know me. I will warn you, though, evil hates me and if you want to boast so that people who are being evil will think that you’re impressive, you’re going to struggle to let me near to you because my gifts, even the smallest amount of my love that I can bestow on you, is too big to earn because there’s simply too much of it to ever think to earn it and then it’s going to grow and get more and more, in feeling, so that the possibility of earning my much-ness in the weight and measure of my love that I want to pour out on you will grow increasingly distanced from the possibility of being earnable, so that the pride must die (that thought that is embarrassed to have unmerited prosperity and fortune and easy living i.e. the trust-fund baby socioeconomic status) but if you want my trust-fund, your inheritance that is yours for existing as human and is yours by right, by birth-right simply by liking what I want for you, by wanting what I think that I’d like to give you in gifts, and responsibility to honor your eternal soul, and having what I think is a minimum about of goodness for your amazing human spirit in order that eternity might sound appetizing, because in my opinion that’s a lot that to have before eternity will sound worth living, and so I would like to give you all that is needed for that to become a desire: eternity. I will pour out my spirit into you and place unearnable praises upon your shoulders that will continually grow your joy and thankfulness for living and increase your excitement for learning to be an expert in doing good and loving things in creation, which you will rule.  I want for you to like being my child. But that is my want, and I respect your wants, more than I seek to give myself my wants. But you are never stuck. What does it feel like to come asking me for love and help? It feels like a hug, a hug with glad tears in my eyes, and immediately honor to fill up all the dishonor and a party and public celebration of your return, as restored, as mine. And the words from my mouth will not harm you, but each word will shroud and cover all your waywardness in glory as I introduce the return of my child with an air of gratitude, announcing a mission complete. And by my power, I will remove your sin from creation and place in exchange goodness as though you had served me. I cannot lie. When I restore your inheritance, I create change replaces curses with blessings; you did accomplish my will, you served me, I own your consequences because I bought them, and I have rid the world of sin by power and by will. I cannot lie; you are mine, you have always been mine. You were in a season of learning about evil and you learned all that you wanted to, and that has become a part of our relationship, as soon as you return none of that evil will fall upon your head, but my son took that punishment, and he chose to save everyone because he made this place. You have the right to your blessings and the right to your restoration and the right to my love because I love you. It’s still in me, my love for you remains. When you return, I only celebrate. How much more is my celebration over you when are ready for me to lavish you in my love?!”