He leaned forward, squeezing himself out from in between the other bodies piled into the back seat. His perfect black hair poked between the driver and myself. “Shelly, what brings you to ReVoice? Why LGBTQ+ ministry?”

It was a carload of coworkers, truly a motley crew of campus ministers from all over the United States, many of whom meeting each other for the first time. All of these coworkers in the car were new to me. We converged on St. Louis for one similar goal – to attend ReVoice, a conference for Side B (non-affirming) LGBTQ+ Christians who are seeking to live out their lives with God at the center while also acknowledging their sexuality and seeking to submit their sexuality to the lordship of God, however that may look. Others, straight and cisgender folks like myself, were also occasionally allowed to attend if we had a history of ministering to and working alongside the LGBTQ+ community. This coworker of mine, new as we were to each other, didn’t know where I came from with my own sexuality and did not know my history of ministry with the LGBTQ+ community.

I realized later that he was probably asking me, in a polite and indirect way, about my sexuality. At the time, however, that was not where my mind was and therefore it was not how I answered. My response had something to do with the culmination of work I had done over 5 years of writing and pilot-testing ministry resources with the LGBTQ+ community on my college campuses and working in a national cohort with others doing the same ministry across the United States.

But later that night, as I lay in the comfortable bed provided by kind hosts and waited for sleep to find me, I reflected again on the question. I realized that I had a calling worthy of naming. I workshopped in my head, considered why I even chose to do LGBTQ+ ministry in the first place, and brought these reflections prayerfully to the Lord.

Ultimately, I came out of that time with the following conviction and calling:

“To identify and ruthlessly break down any and all barriers to people knowing, following, and thriving in Christ.”

If I see something getting in the way – individually, communally, or systemically – of people drawing near to or walking with Jesus, I was going to position myself in such a way as to remove that barrier.

In a way, this meant that I was a hostess of sorts, making space at any cost so that others could come in and meet Jesus.

I saw the LGBTQ+ community consistently struggling to feel seen, known, loved, and wanted by God, not to mention God’s people, and I knew something had to be done. So I learned about the theology of sexuality, and I taught my students and my church to look at the Word and follow Him in His design based on a robust understanding of Scripture on the topic.

I saw other marginalized communities being missed and I raised my voice to make sure they were seen and heard. In my job, I have some national and some local influence, and I work to use my voice and my influence to make space for those who struggle to believe they can thrive in God. These are usually people who are on the margins.

How to Discern Your Calling

I’ve done ministry with college students for over a decade. The amount of time spent agonizing over calling is unfortunately disproportional to the time spent pursuing God, the One who reveals our calling!

The secret to discerning your calling is not to focus on your calling, but to focus on God, and then in God, to ask what He is inviting You specifically into.

First of all, be patient, and be aware that your calling can change.

I had a very specific call that God impressed upon me in high school through an unasked-for vision. From the age of 16 to the age of 28, as far as I could tell, that calling didn’t change. And then, suddenly, through one question, I realized that my calling had shifted. It may take a while to figure out your calling or to see how it shifts and changes!

Secondly, your calling must be of God.

God will never call you to something that is outside of Himself. He will never call you to steal, to kill, to destroy – as those are fruits of the Enemy, of Satan. He will only ever call you to something based out of sacrificial love, that brings peace, that is steeped in hope and faith. It will probably be bigger than you, because it comes from God. It will require you to depend on God, because we need God. If you can do it in and of yourself, that is suspect because it might just be you talking.

Thirdly, your calling comes through obedience.

God is not a genie. You cannot rub on a lamp and expect Him to speak a calling over you and magically give you what you need to fulfill your calling. You figure out your calling as you try a lot of things out with God, and as you walk with Him over many years.

Think you’re called to start a church but you’re not serving in your current church? Submit yourself to service in the church first! Sensing a call to leading worship but you’re not obeying God in your romantic relationship? Get right with God and pursue holiness in your relationship – or cut it off so that you can pursue God in holiness.

Fourth, reflect.

What have you been drawn to over the course of your lifetime? What do you hope for but haven’t yet seen as a reality? Who or what do you gravitate towards and why?

A friend of mine asks it this way: “What is your holy discontent?” or put in another way, what good thing of God are you longing for but don’t see yet?

Yet another friend asks, “What makes you angry?”

All of these are different approaches to the same question – “what are you called to?”

Take time – hours, days, months, years – to stew and to steep in this question. Give space for God to speak. Spend time in the Word and see what God highlights for you. Spend time praying and submitting your desires to God, emptying yourself and filling yourself instead with God, and see what He gives you.

Your calling should end up being bigger than anything you could do in your lifetime in your own power. Your calling should force you to depend on God and draw more from Him. Your calling should show others how great God is, and not show others how great you are.

Lastly, test your calling.

Think you have it? Try it out. Test out walking in this calling. Do you find yourself turning to God more or turning more to yourself? Do you find that God becomes more glorified or you are more glorified? Are you growing in the gifts of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control) or are you growing more into the world? Are others around you experiencing God?

Your calling may not ‘bear fruit’ initially. Like fruit on a tree, the tree must mature for many years before it can bear any fruit at all. Are you maturing in your walk with God? Are you drawing nearer and nearer to Him? If you can say yes to those last two questions, you’re on the right track!